My Personal Experience of Growing Up Without My Biological Dad

To start off, I feel like I should mention that I have a wonderful step-dad. I did grow up with a father, just not my biological one. He’s been in my life for as long as I can remember. He has never treated me differently than my step-brother, and he is truly the best dad I could’ve ever asked for.

However, I have always felt a part of my life missing. I know this part is my biological dad. He passed unexpectedly when I was one. Because of my age, I have no memories of him. All I have are pictures and stories. Granted, I feel like I know him from the sheer amount of stories I’ve heard about him, but this feeling never begins to replace the memories that I should’ve been able to share with him. This feeling is indescribable. Living without my dad has made me stronger, but it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. For my entire life, I have felt incomplete, a feeling people who experience a lot of loss often have. However, I have always felt this way. I don’t know what it’s like to be whole, and unfortunately I’ll never know. Yes, this feeling is hard to cope with, but this is the way I had to live. I’m used to feeling like this.

My parents have always supported me looking for answers pertaining to my biological dad. My mom would tell me stories whenever I asked about him, and they both took me to visit his grave whenever I wanted to. To my knowledge, my step-dad was perfectly fine with doing this, and still is today. He knows he could never replace my bio dad, so he doesn’t try to. I’m so incredibly thankful for this. It has made me feel so much more comfortable with him.

I have to say that my main feeling about growing up without my biological dad but with a dad is conflicted. Is it okay to still be hurting about my dad’s death, even though I have a dad? Is it okay to come to my dad about the hurt I have from my bio-dad’s death? It took years of reassurance to realize that my feelings are valid. My family and I just had to wait for it to get through to me. After it did, I felt so much more at peace. I knew I could talk to my step-dad about my bio-dad. Understanding this actually helped my step-dad’s and I’s relationship. We got a lot closer after I understood that my feelings are valid.

The main thing I learned from growing up the way I did is that my feelings are always valid. It may have taken years to learn and accept this, but it was so worth it. I don’t have any regrets about my feelings, and that took years to accept.

At first, I felt ashamed about being upset and hurt from my dad’s death. I felt bad. I love my step-dad, and feeling hurt felt like a betrayal to him. I felt like if I told him, he would be upset with me, and he would be hurt. And that is the very last thing I wanted to do my my step-dad.

After a while, I’m not exactly sure how long, I stopped feeling anything towards this topic. I stopped caring if it affected him or not. Granted, I didn’t mention it much. I think this was around the vicious middle school years. These years were the worst for me. I was severely depressed for these years, so I think this might’ve caused me to stop caring. However, after coming out of my incredibly dark depression, I started to care again. It took a while, but the aftermath was so worth it.

When I started to care again, I got a lot closer with my dad. This is the point I’m at now. We’re close, and I know that my feelings are valid. I would say that this experience helped me get through and accept my bio-dad’s death. While it was hard growing up like this, it was worth it. And, if I had to do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing.